First Thought, Second Thought, First Action
Changing the way we think is the catalyst for changing the way we act.
In this episode, I’ll introduce you to a simple concept that will put you on a path toward a better workday mindset.
Episode Transcription
So I want to talk about a concept that’s really fundamental to changing the way we think, and it’s called first thought, second thought, first action.
We know that thoughts are really the drivers for the actions we take - the way that we think generally determines the way we act. And we know from experience that this is the case right, if we’re exercising positive thoughts about something we generally will act in a positive way, and on the flip side if we have negative thoughts about an experience or a situation, our actions usually match that perspective.
So if that’s the case, then if we can change the way we think about a certain situation or a problem or even an opportunity, then that change in thought is really the catalyst for changing the actions we take that are related to that situation or opportunity. So in other words a change in the way we think is what leads us to changing our actions.
Now all of that sounds quite simple in theory, but we know from experience that it’s not that easy to change the way we think. We as human beings have years and years of experiences and emotions and thoughts that influence and shape the way we think - and so it’s really really hard to unwind some of the default thinking we have in place.
So that’s where this concept of first thought, second thought, first action comes in and here’s how it works.
We generally don’t have control over our first thought, but we do have control over our second thought and the first action we take. So for example if I tell you not to think of a big pink elephant, it’s almost impossible to not picture a big pink elephant immediately. We literally have almost no control over that initial thought.
But once we’ve experienced that first thought, we generally do have control over our second thought and the first action we decide to take. So while we might not be able to change our immediate thoughts about a situation we encounter, we do have the ability to change what happens after that.
So let me give you a concrete example of a common situation we can all relate to where this type of thinking can be applied: receiving constructive feedback or if we’re receiving it from someone who’s really not happy with us, we’d call it criticism. It’s easy to view receiving feedback as a situation to be avoided, given the potential it has to sting and leave us feeling criticized or disappointed with our performance.
So let’s say in the context of your workday you’re receiving feedback from someone. You might not have control over the first thought or thoughts you have – for example:
I don’t really want to listen to this constructive feedback I’m about to receive
This is uncomfortable
I’m not good at my job
I let someone down
Pretty soon they’re going to discover that I have no idea what I’m doing
I feel really inadequate
Etc. Etc.
But despite these thoughts, you do have the ability to direct and shape your second thought, which could be something like this:
This is uncomfortable, but I can use this feedback to get better.
Or hmm, there’s no way I could have known this piece of information so it’s not that I’m not good at my job, it’s just that I hadn’t learned this particular thing yet
Or, hmm, I’m glad I know that so and so told me that they thought this about my work because it’s an opportunity for me to express to them how hard I tried or how much I want to improve
Then, once you’ve had this second thought, you can align the first action you take with that changed thought - which is another thing you have complete control over. So a first action could be:
Thanking that person for bringing it to your attention
Explaining your thought process which might open up a dialogue and help the two of you moving forward
Or just affirming that you heard what was said and that you’ll take the feedback into account moving forward
That’s one example of how you can apply this concept, but really the concept can be applied globally in your day. The great part about this is that it helps us to realize that no matter what our initial thought is, we each have the ability to apply a certain mindset that allows us to shape the way we want to respond to literally ANYTHING that happens to us. Regardless of that first thought, our second thought and first action are always a choice we get to make based on how we want to respond.
And that really leads us to this understanding that we have a lot more control over the way our day goes, because we always have the ability to make a choice about our thoughts.
Now, just to be clear as I said before, this is a simple concept but just because it’s simple doesn’t mean it’s easy - and that’s because our thoughts are shaped by years of experiences, our brain generates thoughts that protect us from harm - which is a prehistoric conditioning that we all have to contend with - and our thoughts are also influenced by things like our emotional state, our energy levels, and many other factors.
BUT if you want to start applying this concept, I want to give you a few ideas for how to go about that. So here’s a short list of things you can do to start
Number one is practicing being present throughout your day. If you want to change the way you respond to a workday situation and follow that first thought with a constructive second thought, then the first key is your ability to catch yourself having the first thought. If you can’t catch yourself having the first thought, then you won’t be able to apply the second thought and so on.
The best way to practice being present is to practice things like mindfulness or meditation or anything that helps you be in the moment. We’ll save the discussion on how impactful mindfulness is for another episode, but this is one of the practical benefits of practicing being mindful for even a few minutes a day.
Second would be to identify a few situations where you want to change your response or the way you think. So write down situations that cause you anxiety or where you know you get trapped in a pattern of negative thinking, and set an intention around changing your response the next time that situation arises. That might be an interaction with a certain colleague, a task or project that you’re charged with that always gets you in a negative mood, an experience like riding a crowded bus home or stepping into a weekly meeting that you think is pointless - any situation where you want to choose to respond differently.
And writing it down is important because the act of writing things down helps our brain to remember that we wanted to make a change in that situation, and the opportunity will be easier to identify.
And then third would be to practice what I’d call taking a regular self-inventory. And that just means taking one or two opportunities throughout the day to take stock of where your thoughts are at so that you can catch any lingering negative thoughts.
Think about a time when you had an interaction or something happen to you that left you feeling irritated or upset, and that emotion sort of festered under the surface and maybe put you in a bad mood - and then it wasn’t until hours later that you realized this thing was bothering you. That happens to us all too often, and what’s often at the root of that lingering feeling that we don’t identify until later, is a first thought that went unaddressed or unresolved.
So using our constructive feedback example, maybe you received the feedback that morning, automatically perceived it as a negative, and didn’t take a chance to apply a second thought - and so the feedback ended up bothering you all day.
The concept of a self inventory is basically taking a moment or two each day - I’d say sometime before lunch and then maybe again in the early afternoon - to just take stock of whether any interactions you had or situations you encountered are lingering, and taking a moment to try to acknowledge them and apply a second thought. Even if this doesn’t lead to you feeling 100% better, the fact that you acknowledged it will help you process it and eventually move on.
So those are three things you can do to practice this concept, and my call to action for you is to identify just a single situation in your day that you want to change and be intent on inserting a constructive second thought and first action when that situation arises.
And don’t forget that we each have the ability to shape the way we want to respond to literally ANYTHING that happens to us, we just have to train ourselves to think differently.
Go have a great workday.