Moment to Moment Responsibility
When we think about what we want for ourselves in the future, it’s natural for us to try to issue spot and for our mind to want to solve any problems that we see coming down the pipeline.
Our mind wants to think through all the little nooks and crannies related to events in the future so that we can feel like we’re prepared for everything that might come up - because if we feel like we’ve thought through things then that gives us a level of comfort and it helps us feel safe.
But the challenge we face when we look into the future like this is that it forces us to lose touch with the present moment. When we’re pulled into contemplating and trying to predict and solve for a future version of events, we shift from the present, where we have the ability to actually take action, to being stuck in the uncertainty of a future thought, where all we can do is think.
In this episode, we talk about how you can take a different approach that will leave you feeling empowered instead of stuck - and it involves shifting your mindset to a place where you’re taking ownership and responsibility for how you’re thinking moment to moment.
Episode Transcription
Intro:
When we think about what we want for ourselves in the future, it’s natural for us to try to issue spot and for our mind to want to try to solve any problems that we see coming down the pipeline.
Our mind wants to think through all the little nooks and crannies related to events in the future so that we can feel like we’re prepared for everything that might come up, because if we feel like we’ve thought through things then that gives us a level of comfort and it helps us feel safe.
But the challenge we face when we look into the future like this is that it forces us to lose touch with the present moment. When we’re pulled into contemplating and trying to predict and solve for a future version of events, we shift from the present, where we have the ability to actually take action, to being stuck in the uncertainty of a future thought, where all we can do is think.
So in this episode I want to talk about how you can take a different approach that will leave you feeling empowered instead of stuck - and it involves shifting your mindset to a place where you’re taking ownership and responsibility for how you’re thinking moment to moment.
Here we go.
Main:
Let’s talk about a really powerful shift in mindset you can create for yourself, and it has to do with taking responsibility for your moment to moment thoughts.
Here’s the lens I want you to look at this concept through: When we think about what we want for ourselves and for our future, or if we’re confronted with a big challenge, or when we look ahead and we see something complex or challenging that we’re going to need to sort out, our mind immediately wants us to try to solve the problem all in one shot.
Our mind is drawn towards trying to process and resolve all of the future inputs and think through all the nooks and crannies of that future version of events, and our it tries to map and plan out all the things we need to do and prepare for in advance - in order to achieve that thing.
And our mind does that so that we can have a level of certainty and comfort that the decisions we make about what the future holds will not put our happiness or our safety in jeopardy.
And if you listen to this podcast regularly you’ve heard me talk about this before, but the tendency of our mind to always look to the future and plan and understand is a prehistoric, biological defense mechanism that our ancestors developed so that they could stay safe and stay alive. The more we think we know about the future, the more we’re able to avoid anything that feels risky or that we think might cause us harm.
But when our mind tries to reach a resolution by trying to think through and plan for this future version of events, we encounter a couple of challenges.
And I want to give you an example here that we can use to explain this concept. So let’s say that now, in the present moment, you’re thinking about making a career change or you want to switch jobs.
So if you’re currently in this scenario, and if you’re trying to envision how that’s going to work, if you sit here and to try to “think through” exactly how that’s going to work, and if you try to achieve some sort of finality simply by thinking about how you’re going to do it, for many of us our minds won’t let us do it.
And the reason our mind won’t let us do it is because, again, it’s trained to spot risk and avoid uncertainty. So when we’re trying to plan for a future version of events BUT we don’t have a complete set of information, our mind sounds the alarm.
So on the one hand, your mind is searching for certainty about how you’re going to make that career change, but it realizes that it can’t acquire enough information to give you that 100% certainty, in this moment, that everything is going to go a certain way.
And when we realize that we don’t have control, in this moment, for the way things are going to play out in the future, then that’s when our thoughts start to spiral. That’s when our prehistoric wiring kicks in and our mind starts to go into defense mode.
Our mind starts to see all the reasons how trying to make a career change could fail. It recognizes that there are things it doesn’t understand about how the process will play out, and it recognizes that it can’t achieve the level of certainty that it wants about how this future version of events will unfold. And when that happens, our mind and our body go into panic mode and we shut it down.
So because we can’t see the future with clarity, we let our anxiety and fear about what might happen close off our thoughts about it, and we end up never taking action or we end up playing it safe.
So there’s something else that’s happening here that I think is really the key concept here, and that’s when we look into the future like this, it forces us to lose touch with the present moment. When we’re pulled into contemplating and trying to prognosticate and predict a future version of events, we shift from from the present - where we actually have the ability to influence what happens - to being stuck in the uncertainty of the future, where all we can do is think.
And when we’re stuck thinking about the future, it makes it incredibly challenging for us to see how we can actually influence that future outcome. We lose touch with our personal responsibility, and we lose touch with our personal power.
And that’s because our personal responsibility, our personal power, and our influence always reside in the present moment.
We are powerless over a future versions of events. But we are powerful when we focus on how we’re thinking and acting moment to moment.
Let me put it this way: instead of allowing your mind to try to exert influence over a future version of events that you can’t control, consider what it would be like to simply be responsible for how you’re thinking and acting in this moment?
What if all you had to be responsible for is how you are thinking moment to moment?
What if you didn’t have to worry about what might happen tomorrow, or how you might respond to a situation later today, or how you might be impacted in the future by things that are out of your control?
In reality if you think about it, what’s happening in the present moment is the only thing you ever really have the ability to influence anyway.
Imagine the kind of personal power you can create and how much simpler and happier life could be if you simply shifted your focus to being responsible for how you’re thinking in the present, moment to moment?
When we take responsibility for how we’re thinking moment to moment, a number of things happen.
First, it takes us out of the mindset of trying to process how we’re going to approach achievement of this big future thing all in one shot. So going back to my career change example, instead of getting caught up in how many moving parts there might be to making a career change, if I’m focused on what I can do moment to moment, then I can undertake that process one step at a time. I can take on this change in micro-steps, instead of getting paralyzed by my inability to understand how it’ll all play out and clinging to the fact that I don’t have all the answers.
Second, when you take responsibility for your moment to moment thoughts, it’s much easier to recognize opportunities in the present that have the potential to influence that future version of events that you want to achieve.
If I’m so caught up in thinking about the future, I miss opportunities to actually take action in the present - because I’m too busy trying to over analyze it. The only way your future version of events will come to fruition anyway is if you take action now, in this moment.
Third, when we take personal responsibility, we move from being a passive participant to an active participant. We move from being limited by our projection of what the future might hold, to someone who actually influences that future by deciding to be intentional about how you think and act moment to moment.
And I talk about the concept of becoming an active participant more in Episode 26, but this realization is one of the most freeing experiences you’ll ever have: the realization that you ultimately are responsible for and have the ability to influence how you think about what’s happening to you every moment of the day.
You always get to decide how you want to perceive what’s happening around you, you always get to decide what you want to think about moment to moment.
And ultimately, the aggregate of exercising personal responsibility over your moment to moment thoughts, over a long period of time, that’s what moves mountains, that’s what shapes careers, that’s what builds character, that’s what gives you the courage to take on hard things.
So, if you want to start taking moment to moment responsibility, how do you do that? I want to offer you two ideas:
First, catch your mind when it’s trying to predict or solve for a future version of events. Our minds are literally doing this to us all day long - taking us into a thought loop where we’re creating and guessing and predicting what the future might hold. And when we get caught up in the future, all we can do is think about it - we have no power to take action.
But when you do catch yourself doing that, I want you to note it and I want you to do it in a playful way. What I would suggest you do is what I do, which is literally say out loud - “Trying to predict the future again.” And everytime I say that, I’m both acknowledging that it’s happening, but also reminding myself to take it easy on myself and give myself some grace. It’s not an opportunity to chastise yourself, it’s just a chance to note it and to bring a level of awareness to a recurring thought pattern.
Then second, when you do catch yourself thinking about something that you want to address or solve or take on, translate that future thought into a present action. So ask yourself “What action can I take right now to move myself closer to what I want?”
And what we’re trying to do is become skilled at translating our energy into actions we can take as opposed to getting trapped in thought loops that don’t serve us.
So even if it’s a small action, like making a list, sending an email, talking to someone, anything that gets you just an inch closer to that future change you want to see. And what I think you’ll find is that you’ll feel more empowered and much more like an active participant in what happens when you start to take these kinds of incremental actions. And I would suggest that all that you require of yourself in that moment is take an incremental action.
So going back one final time to my career change example, if you catch yourself starting to feel anxious about what it will take to make a career change, go take a micro action like emailing someone you know who’s made a career change and setting up a time to talk for 30 minutes so you can learn from them - then just walk away and go do something else.
Order a book on career change, then go do something else. Go listen to a podcast episode like this one, or any other podcast on career change, and spend 15 minutes to take that micro action, then walk away.
And if you get in the habit of doing this, the strength of the pull of those anxious, forward-focused thoughts are drowned out by present actions. And pretty soon you’re just someone who’s developed a healthy way to translate anxious energy into action.
And remember - take it easy on yourself. We always feel like things should be moving faster, but it’s micro investments like this, multiplied over time, that get us where we want to go. So make sure as you’re doing this that you remember to take care of yourself and ride easy in the saddle.
Go have a great workday.