What If It Turns Out Better Than I Think?
When we think about something that’s going to happen in the future, our mind is very skilled at turning our thoughts about a future version of events into a story about what might happen if we fail, if we try something new, or if we’re criticized.
And we know that our mind uses this story-telling ability as a defense mechanism because these kinds of stories that we tell ourselves about how a future event might turn out help keep us safe and prevent us from taking risks.
In this episode, I’ll introduce you to a question you can ask that will help you start to move away from telling yourself a negative story toward envisioning a future version of events that exceeds your expectations: What if it turns out better than I think?
Episode Transcription
Intro:
When we think about something that’s going to happen in the future, our mind is very skilled at turning our thoughts about a future version of events into a story about what might happen if we fail, if we try something new, or if we’re criticized.
And we know that our mind uses this story-telling ability as a defense mechanism because these kinds of stories that we tell ourselves about how a future event might turn out help keep us safe and prevent us from taking risks.
So in this episode I want to introduce you to a question you can ask that will help you start to move away from telling yourself a negative story toward envisioning a future version of events that exceed your expectations.
And the question is: What if it turns out better than I think? Here we go.
Main:
So if you regularly listen to this podcast, then you know that one of the things we talk about is how often our thoughts about a future event tend to be a limiting belief, or how we tend to view a future version of events through the lens of things not going the way we want them to go.
In other words, when we think about something that’s going to happen in the future, our mind is very skilled at turning our thoughts about a future version of events into a story about what might happen if we fail, if we try something new, or if we’re criticized.
And we know that our mind uses this story-telling ability as a defense mechanism because these kinds of stories that we tell ourselves about how a future event might turn out help keep us safe and prevent us from taking risks.
So as you sit there in the moment and envision something you want to do in the future that has the possibility of not going the way you want - maybe pursuing a new opportunity, a new career, a new challenge - your mind starts to stack up all the reasons why it won’t go the way you want it to go.
And this is a very effective survival mechanism because these thoughts tend to lead to us talking ourselves out of opportunities, avoiding changes, or holding back our true intentions - because the stories make us fearful, and keep us nice and safe.
But in that moment when we’re playing this future version of events out in our mind and we’re stacking up all the reasons why something isn’t going to turn out the way the want it to, I want to introduce you to a question you can ask yourself that I believe and know from experience has the power to be an incredibly transformative way for you to start to flip those thoughts:
And the question is: What if it turns out better than I think?
And I want to explain why this is such a powerful thought to have and how you can start to use it, but before I get there I want to tell you a quick story.
So I have a friend who is a photographer down here in Southern California, she’s a very talented photographer and she does individual photo shoots for high-end clients and she’s very skilled at what she does and has been doing it for years.
And a few weeks ago we were having a conversation and she was telling me about an upcoming shoot that she had and how she was getting anxious about it.
And the reason she was anxious about it was because this new client had been calling her and emailing her non-stop in the past week to talk through how she wanted the shoot to go.
She had a very specific list of shots, and angles, and moods that she wanted to capture, she wanted to invite about half a dozen of her friends to come along on the shoot, she kept sending my friend pictures from magazines and just overall being a little over the top in the lead up to the day of the shoot.
And so as we were sitting there talking, my friend started to explain to me how based on the interactions she had with her clients, she was envisioning this shoot being a total disaster.
She had a picture in her mind of how on the day of, her client would be complaining and upset, she was envisioning herself not doing a great job of capturing the moment, she could see her client criticizing her, and she could see her asking for a refund. And because she was envisioning this future version of events this way, she was getting all tensed up and stressed.
And I think we can all identify with how she was feeling and perceiving this future version of events because it’s a familiar feeling for all of us - that tension that builds up when we anticipate a future situation will go a certain way.
So as we sat there and talked it through, I encouraged her to just take a moment to ask herself the question I posed to you earlier: What if it turns out better than I think?
I understand that she was zeroing in on some early indicators as a way to predict what would happen in the future, but she was using those indicators to make up a story that played out the worst possible series of events.
And so this question is basically designed to flip her view of that future version of events, and instead of casting it in the most negative light, I just suggested that she do the opposite and think about all of the reasons why it might go very well.
And as we sat there together answering that question, we walked through how there were plenty of reasons why it not only MIGHT, but probably WOULD go better than she thought:
Had she dealt with challenging clients in the past? Yes.
Had she ever had anyone ask for a refund? No.
Did she feel confident in her ability to take beautiful photos for this woman? Yes.
Did she have a plan for how she was going to do the best work she could do that day? Yes.
What’s the absolute worst thing that could happen? Her client asks for a refund, she gives it to her, and the two of them part ways.
So I suggested to her that instead of continuing to play the story out the way she had, she might try envisioning a future version of events where it turns out the way she wants.
So fast forward to a few days after the shoot, and when talked about how it went she explained to me that it went exceptionally well. When she met her client in person she was very easy to work with, she followed all of my friend’s directions, the shoot played out exactly the way my friend had designed it in her mind, and the photos turned out fantastic.
So why was answering this question so powerful for my friend?
First, this question of course helped to reduce her stress in the moment because she moved away from playing a highlight reel of how it wouldn’t go well and instead was focused on the many reasons why it would.
But second, I think what’s even more powerful about a statement like this is that it helps to clear away the negative story she was telling herself, and allowed her innate talent as a photographer to shine through and be amplified.
Instead of hiding away and being scared of what might happen, she allowed herself to be the best version of the talented photographer that she is.
In other words, because her mind wasn’t busy telling her how poorly the shoot would turn out and because she wasn’t buried in the anticipation of her client not liking the pictures or being upset with her, it allowed her to be in the moment and do her absolute best work.
So what I want to suggest to you is that, like my friend, you always have an option to decide how you want to envision that future version of events - So why not tell yourself a story that has it turning out the way you want?
If you’re going to tell yourself a story about how a future event will play out, why not tell yourself one that has it turning out better than you think?
And I want to be crystal clear on this next point, because I think it’s kind of the keystone to this whole concept.
When I’ve explained and taught this concept in the past, some people will immediately say “Well I get it but I don’t want to get my hopes up.”
And my response to that is: why not get your hopes up?
Getting your hopes up and envisioning a future version of events going the way you want is exactly the thing that helps you show up at your best in those moments - it’s the thing that unlocks your ability to receive what you want.
If you’re constantly showing up with low hopes, how do you think things are going to turn out?
This is another one of those defense mechanisms where we anticipate that it’ll hurt more if we get excited about something, but the truth is we’re already putting ourselves at a major disadvantage by refusing to let ourselves get excited about an opportunity.
It turns out that as powerful as that limiting vision is, the alternate vision - the one where it turns out better than you think, is ultimately much more powerful. You just have to practice catching yourself when you’re thinking that way.
Speaking of catching yourself, I want to end with a way you can put this into practice.
So I want you to think about for a second something that you have coming up where you’re anxious about how it will turn out - something you’ve been thinking about or preparing for and as you’ve been doing that, you’ve been telling yourself that it’s going to turn out in a certain way that you don’t like.
And here’s what I want you to do and there are three steps:
Step 1 is to recognize that you’re having a thought about a future version of events that doesn’t suit you. Again it’s easy for our mind to just default to taking us to that future place and spinning up a negative story without us even knowing that we’re doing it, so the first part is just catching yourself in that moment when your mind is taking you there.
Step 2: I want you to flip that thought by asking the question - “What if it turns out better than I think?” And when I do this myself, I actually ask the question out loud - there’s something about using your voice to say it that sets that new thought pattern into motion. If I repeat it out loud there’s something that helps convert it from a thought to an action.
And then Step 3: Envision what it would look like if it turned out the way you wanted. What would it look like? How would it feel? What would it be like to experience that version of events?
And I want you to really sit in that vision for a while - picture the people who are there, picture yourself in that moment, picture it going exactly the way you way, and start to internalize this new vision.
And I think what you’ll start to see is that gradually, over time, as you begin to tell yourself a different story about how things will turn out, it releases you from the burden of anticipation and anxiety about future events, and instead it allows you uncover and amplify the things that are already inside of you that help you show up at your best each and every day.
Go have a great workday.